Harry Potter and the Overdone Ending
by DracoSeven
Summary: Harry and the gang have gone over the top. Also a protest against mindless violence so commonplace it has become a cliché.


Hagrid watched as the strange device Arthur Weasley had asked him to hide from Molly came to life. He was transfixed by its eerie glow and the

bloodthirsty howls. Hagrid stared into the bluish violence before him in disbelief. Rubeus Hagrid knew this evil could only reach his cottage when the magic wards around Hogwarts had fallen. Dumbledore had dedicated his life to keeping this horror from the grounds of Hogwarts. Now that he was gone they must be starting to fade. The gamekeeper scribbled a quick note and sent an owl to the school.

Hagrid got up from the table and nervously stroked his beard. With the wards down the Death Eaters must surely be on their way. Only one wizard could be behind it and Hagrid knew that he would need all the allies he could muster.

Hagrid threw on his coat, absentmindedly opened the big oak door

of his house and left for the woods.

Hagrid loved the Forbidden Forest. He hurried along a long familiar path leading from his cottage. Earlier he had been tending his many ferret traps and enjoying the quiet morning. Before that infernal Muggle object had come to life in his cottage Hagrid's biggest concern was how many ferrets he would need to feed the Hippogriffs. Now he wondered how much help, if any, he could get from the centaurs. They probably already knew that the wards were gone.

Hagrid furrowed his brow and focused his gaze at a distant hollow.

The centaurs could wait. Nigel would help. Hagrid immediately strode off towards the dark hollow. He hadn't gotten very far when he heard a long, thundering, agonized cry. The horrendous sound seemed to come from the very horizon itself. Hagrid lengthened his stride and broke into a run.

The hollow was a confusion of light and shadow. Smoke swirled between

the sun and darkness. Hagrid could smell brimstone. Then he discovered why it was so dark. The shady ground beneath him was scorched to blackness.

As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he made out a large green shape.

Nigel. Hagrid looked at his slain dragon, caught his breath and picked up a knife.

Voldemort stood in the center of the quidditch pitch throwing hex after hex at Harry. Many of Harry's schoolmates had gathered to watch the contest of spells. Harry put up a shield charm and returned curses as best he could.

Hagrid marched onto the Quidditch pitch covered in what looked like a dragon skin serape. Spell upon spell bounced off the big man as he lifted the serape just enough to clear his knife. Voldemort saw this and laughed, driving Harry into the pitch with a pulsing red beam from his wand.

Hagrid went frantic at this point and picked up a long section of one of the Quidditch poles that had been blasted during the fight. The Dark Lord got pummeled several times before the pole finally melted, burning Hagrid's hands. Hagrid bellowed with rage and agony.

Harry suddenly rose up and without calling on any specific strength or skill blasted Voldemort to the ground.

"Careful Harry, leave enough for me to skin, he's gonna make a right good pair of lizard skin boots," Hagrid's eyes twinkling just like Dumbledore's.

Harry fell back exhausted, his scar pulsing like a busy cell phone.

Grawp found his way to the pitch, hearing his half-brother's cries of pain and anger. Voldemort kept blasting Grawp, unfortunately for Voldemort this simply raised Grawp's adrenaline levels. Grawp smashed the Dark Lord with a left jab that would have knocked him to the ground had not Hagrid's fist been there to support him. He-who-must-not-be-named staggered back and forth between the two huge men as they rained heavy blows on him.

Voldemort got to his feet just as Hagrid got within arm's length.

Perplexed that he was still able to get up, Hagrid shrugged and grabbed Voldemort, ramming his knee into the Dark Lord's back, breaking it instantly. He had learned the move watching wrestling on Arthur Weasley's muggle TV.

"You're a few horcruxes short of a load, Tommy-boy," Hagrid jeered as he pulled out a knife.

The dragon's blood still on the blade stung as Hagrid skillfully removed the much prized hide from a screaming Voldemort. Dobby appeared just to the right of Hagrid.

Hagrid stomped one foot at Dobby, then the other. The ground shook hard enough to knock Dobby off his feet. Hagrid went back to his skinning and tossed a piece of hide over his shoulder.

Dobby immediately grabbed the hide and marked it using the enormous shoeprints Hagrid had just made in the earth.

"Hagrid, what are you doing?" Harry shouted.

"Makin' meself a pair o' boots of course. Don't worry, Harry, there'll be plenty left for Dobby's hat."

Harry looked confused. "Hagrid, you can't kill him. I have to do it –"

"Yer welcome to it Harry, I just need the hide."

Voldemort rose again, swaying grotesquely because of his dislocated spine. Summoning all of his concentration he managed to heal his skin and back. "You will never do that to the Dark Lord again!" He gasped.

"O' course not. Second growth skin t'aint worth the trouble it is to take a blade to it." Hagrid said.

Voldemort drew out his wand but Hagrid grabbed it, pulled back the lizard man's head and shoved it down his throat, deftly snapping the wand and Voldemort's neck with his other hand. Spells exploded inside him as the evil deeds he'd done escaped from the broken wand. Voldemort staggered, his head lolling around his shoulders as he tried to aim a wandless curse at Harry.

Dobby jumped in front of Harry, showering hexes on the Dark Lord.

"Dobby will not allow harm to Harry Potter." The faithful house elf squeaked. Voldemort fell to his knees, his head swinging wildly.

Harry wearily put up a shield. "It's OK Dobby, I'll deal with him."

Dobby reluctantly stepped back.

"Say Tom, how did yer end up with a daft name like Voldemort?" Hagrid asked.

"'I am Lord Voldemort' is an anagram of Tom Marvolo Riddle." He gagged through his twisted neck.

Hagrid was thoughtful for a moment, then he whispered something in Dobby's ear and sent him away.

"That's a shame, Tom, because it also comes out to Molotov ram Riddle."

Dobby reappeared and shoved the Muggle named firebomb up his evil backside.

Voldemort danced in agony as fire shot out holes in his chest and head.

Dobby put his hand beneath is chin, his huge eyes looking skyward. "It also works out to Immortal Odd Lover."

"He-who-must-not-be-flamed." Harry said.

"Well, I don't mean ter spoil you boy's fun but it also stands for Dildomort Removal. Pull it out, will yer, Dobby."

Dobby snapped his fingers and the flaming phallus dropped to the ground with a final hiss and a considerable stench.

The Weasley Twins apparated atop the Dark Lord on pogo sticks, bouncing merrily for a few moments as Voldemort groaned and hissed. Everyone was

angry until they noticed that the bottoms of the pogo sticks were sharpened.

A cauldron appeared. Wormtail jumped out and tried to drag his fallen master to it. A couple of spells hit and he fell onto his side, smoking from the blast. Ron emptied a large bag of broken glass into the cauldron.

Hermione tossed in several buckets of different poisons she had brewed for potions practice as well. Professor Flitwick levitated Voldemort in, tipped the cauldron at an angle and rolled it around, being sure to go over every bump on the battered field. The big iron cauldron rumbled and reverberated across the pitch, punctuated occasionally by the odd shriek from inside.

"Enough! Harry shouted. "He's mine now."

Flitwick shrugged, lowered his wand and let the cauldron fall over.

After a few seconds the echoes of pain died away and Voldemort crawled out, bleeding all over.

Harry Potter's lip twitched as he searched the pockets of his robe.

He pulled out a wand in each hand and attached what looked like pistol magazines to them. He dove at Voldemort in slow stop-motion as music shrieked from somewhere. Spells shot rapid fire out of both wands as bits of hot brass spewed over Harry's shoulders. Voldemort slowly convulsed as the spells ripped holes in his body, sending shards of flesh and blood in every direction. The Dark Lord collapsed in a heap, a faint bagpipe like noise seeping from his many wounds. Harry quickly got up from his dive, threw the smoking wands aside and kicked Voldemort in the chest.

"Well?" Hagrid grunted.

"Saturday Night Live will be funny again before this one comes back."

"We've seen the last of him then." Hagrid chuckled.

Harry stared at him in disbelief.

"Hagrid, I've never seen you like this. I know he was evil but did you have to skin him alive and set him afire?"

"There's nothin' else fer it Harry, that dragon was in my care when Voldemort killed it. I could never have another dragon if I hadn't avenged this one. It's the code of all dragons. I had to skin poor Nigel and use his hide to protect me from Voldemort's spells. An' the law is you gotta do to a dragonslayer what was done to the dragon. As fer the fire, well- no dragon fights without it."

Harry went to speak but closed his mouth. There was no reasoning with Hagrid when it came to dragons.

The Headmistress appeared and quickly surveyed the Quidditch field.

Professor McGonagall's lips thinned and her accent thickened.

"Potter, how on earth can we play against Slytherin?"

Snape came running up, wand out, taking in the gruesome scene.

"Spent wands, bits of brass, spilled potions, firebombs and a cadaver, Potter, you never fail to amaze me with your sloppy work. Ten points from Gryffindor for littering and a week's detention for making a failed firebomb."

Ron pulled out a handful of house point rubies he'd scooped up from the shattered Gryffindor hourglass and tossed them at Snape. "Keep the change."

Snape flicked his wand and the gems turned into hornets. Ron screamed, jumped up in the air and ran for the lake.

Ron found Hermione on the shore of the lake with her hands on her hips. She was standing in front of Draco Malfoy.

"Draco here thinks he can just slink away after his side lost," she snapped.

"You've lost everything, Malfoy!" Ron shouted.

"Not quite, I'm not poor like you. My pockets are full of gold, Weaselby," Draco scoffed as he rattled his robe full of Galleons.

"That's not all you're full of, Malfoy," Ron grumbled as he shoved Draco into the lake.

He and Hermione held hands and watched as the last few bubbles came out of the lake.

"You shouldn't have done that, Ron. Gold is heavy and he might not be able to get out of the lake." Hermione said serenely.

"Drown or come up penniless. He made his choice," Ron said confidently.

Lord Voldemort was buried near one of the Quidditch poles.


End file.
